Plants for Joy (Or not, as the case may be)

I recently decided to do something for the very first time.

I bought my husband some flowers.

Well actually, the flower idea didn’t work –

I thought the exotic bird of paradise was quite an evocative bloom with an element of appeal to the masculine form. And it wasn’t pink!

But my vase was the wrong size – too wide – and the two blooms would have drooped like limp celery over the side. So I scrapped that idea.

And then I spied the perfect man-plant. (Note the adjective ‘perfect’ refers to the plant and not the elusive ‘man’.)

A plant I was sure would

make him smile and appreciate the real beauty of nature
touch his creative side as he would behold the resemblance of plant and beast. Surely the resemblance to a giraffe would amaze him … ? OK maybe he’s just not that creative.
evoke an erotic yearning to look closer at this handsome orchid. After all this was a plant of paradise designed to lure insects in to assist with its reproduction.

And here it is.

The first plant I ever bought my husband. His reaction?

“Can I ski with it? Can I wear it to the gym? Can I drink it?”

His second reaction? “Then why the fuck have you bought me that?”

Well, with that reaction I wasn’t in any hurry to assist ‘him’ with any pretend reproduction!

And after conducting my own personal survey on the receptiveness of man to receiving a plant, from a woman, I discovered that not one of my friends or family had ever bought their male partner a plant. And would never do so.

And then I found it. Vindication. Justification that it wasn’t just me!

The latest copy of GQ – Yes, Gentleman’s Quarterly no less, carried a promotion by The Joy of Plants overnight cialis delivery.

And I quote

Vitamin Plant for men – because men love plants too !!!

GQ referred to them as Power Plants – mmm!

There are four

a prickly one – small but desirable
a coffee one
a meat-eating one
and finally one that combats stale air odour

What more could I say?

I am small (by small I mean short) and must be desirable – he married me after eighteen years, and I know he still loves me ♥︎ But I can be prickly.

He only drinks coffee. Oh and sports drinks. And alcohol

Meat eater – what more can I say. We have lovely vegetarian friends and he says “I cook veg for them. They should cook meat for me.” !

Stale air odour – for a man who goes to the gym four nights a week, strips in the utility room before heading upstairs for a shower – I think it takes more than a plant for that one …

So my chosen plant for my man?